He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
