chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
false alarm. still invincible.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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