That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
