I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
