I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
