I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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