I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
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my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
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Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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