girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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