i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
