A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
