Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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