id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
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You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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