1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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