I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
