And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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