on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
