I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
