I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
