nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
