I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
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