Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
is that a dick in a sweater?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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