??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
