why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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