It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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