I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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