you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
