I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
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We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
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PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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