Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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