Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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