had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
