just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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