i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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