he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
