It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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