you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
