my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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