Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
