well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
