she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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