We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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