I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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