So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
