just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
