Tell her she can't have a vagina
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
