Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
