Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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