3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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