I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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