That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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