dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
