hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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