She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
