And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My boob is missing a layer of skin
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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