Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
