so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
