This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
