I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
they need to just BURY HIM!
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
