new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
