I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
