Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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