is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
