Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
