It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
