Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize