May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We don't watch enough power rangers
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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